Do you ever wonder what is too much for the blog?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot of stuff is, but I’m not even sure why. I had used it as a place to unload for years, and I now I don’t. I want to, but the lack of privacy kind of kills it. I think that’s what it is, anyhow.

And that bothers me.  Most of the things I’m going through right now make me want to share, simply due to the fact that they’re difficult and I know other people go through them too. Or have gone through them. Or will.

I’m just afraid, and yes, it’s fear, that I’ll post the wrong thing and it will come back to haunt me. It’s not that I’m doing anything criminal or even that I want to rant about particular people, it’s just a lingering fear of things coming back to bite me in the ass.

And I have no idea where this came from. There wasn’t any incident or post that has bitten me in the ass. It’s just an idea that has crept up on me over the past year or something. I used to share a lot of very personal things, and I was OK with that. Maybe I’m getting older. Maybe I understand the (potential) consequences. Maybe it’s where I work now or something else that’s changed… but I just keep abandoning posts before hitting “publish” lately.

(Except for knitting posts. I like sharing those.)

I guess it’s something to think about.

This blog has been nominated in the Crafting category of the Canadian Weblog Awards, for 2011!

Thanks for the nomination! I’ll try to live up to it!

 Edit 2011-09-21: How about actually adding a link to the awards site? Durh, excellent post to demonstrate my mad bloggin’ skillz…

I’ve had lots of stuff to blog about, but I’ve just been busy and lazy.

Bear with me.

It’s coming.

It’s coming, with pictures!

So, I haven’t blogged in a while.

It’s really strange, because it’s not like I don’t want to blog, it just hasn’t been happening. Things will occur, or I’ll be doing something, and I think to myself, “I should write a blog about this,” but I don’t end up doing it. And it’s kind of got to that point where, like an email that has been sitting in your inbox for 12 weeks, it is kind of embarrassing to reply to it now, and not have any huge excuse as to why you haven’t replied up until this point.

Yeah. No alien abductions. No deaths in the family. No great promotions at work eating up my time.

That being said, I have been feeling pretty crappy. Minor depression. Gastrointestinal issues. Stress. I think it’s the time of the year, as far as the depression goes. Stress? Well, we have some personal issues here that I’m not going to blog about, but I can probably pin that down to a few causes too. The GI problems? No idea.

Monday and Tuesday I embark on a fact-finding mission, of the diagnostic sort. I’m going to have a barium enema x-ray, and an ultrasound, to try to figure out what the fuck is going on. What’s going on? Well, I get weird cramps, low down in my abdominal area, sometimes very severe, for no apparent reason. I’ve noticed some (apparent) causal trends, such as eating a lot of dairy products, but the cramps often don’t happen for more than 12 hours after my last meal. I’ve had more diarrhea and lost a bit of weight. I have noticed very loud noises coming from my abdominal area, groaning, churning, gurgling noises that I never had before. I had two very very horrible periods, so the doctor thinks it could be Endometriosis, which would make a LOT of sense. I have all the symptoms, and have had them for most of my life. The trouble is, Crohns, Colitis, and Diverticulitis also run in my family, so we’ve got a large pool of possibilities. My body is also fully capable of going off and doing its own thing, so I might be bringing a whole new disorder into our genetic repertoire.

Anyhow, it’s been happening for a few months now, but since Christmas it has been interfering with daily activities. I did the grown-up thing of going to the doctor and we’re checking it out. I’m sure you’ll be hearing more about it.

In other news, like look the blog? The boy’s been fiddling around with it and we’re trying new stuff. It will be an ongoing project, I’m sure.

I swear I’m still alive and things are OK. I’ve just been taking one of those spontaneous blogging holidays. I am getting bored and antsy, so I’ll probably be back soon.

I’ll probably be doing a bit of an overhaul of the blog over the coming days. If you happen to come here and things look wonky (or don’t work at all) that’s likely the reason.  Sorry for any inconvenience this might cause.

Also, Andrzej fixed up my title graphic. Nice, no?  I’m gradually adding more colour to this place! Yay.

Anyhow, talk to you all soon!

xox

So Blog, where have I been? I don’t even know. It’s been a weird couple of weeks.

I’ve started and stopped blog posts. Scrapped them after a proof read or second thought. It’s not that the quality is particularly low, well, sometimes it is, but it’s mostly because I’m second guessing myself, and not wanting to post something I’ll regret. I guess “regret” is the best word for it. I don’t regret much, even stuff that has come back to bite me in the ass, but I do sometimes wish that I’d been less stupid about things.

I’ve had a few confrontations lately, and I really would love to run over to my blog and rant it out fully & completely, but I know I’ll “regret” it eventually. And if I did that all the time, I’d probably get sued. Or something. I seethe sometimes, and I can become vicious. I don’t make stuff up – I don’t need to – but I know the stuff I write won’t show certain people in a good light. And lately, that’s exactly what I want to do. These people who have wronged me are really uptight and get ticked whenever people know that they aren’t perfect – so it would be the cherry on the top to spread it around on a forum like this, however small. And even without explicitly naming names. The fact that this is public, and I know that that person could read it makes it even more tempting in the heat of the moment. I used to rant in my livejournal, but I had some control over who saw that, so it wasn’t as much of an issue. Unfortunately - (?) – I’m smarter than that now, I have people and lives to consider, and I somehow restrain myself. Somehow.

I never count restraint among my skills, but I guess it is.

So when I’m not blogging, it’s not because I’m lazy OR because I have a fabulous life happening somewhere – it’s more than likely because I am off biting my tongue.

Just messing around with the layout of the blog. If you’re stopping by this afternoon and things look pretty wonked, please try to ignore it. It’s probably just temporary.

Thank yah!