I had those two tests I was talking about the other day.

The barium enema x-ray was first. It was pretty bad. I knew it would be bad, but it was actually a bit painful at times. They pump this barium stuff up your bum and then follow it up with air.  Then they tell you to roll around in different positions while they take x-rays. And you’ve still got a tube coming out your butt, and you’re cramping like crazy the whole time. Oh, and since it’s a teaching hospital, there are 4 more people (i.e. students) in the room than necessary. They get to see how to insert a tube up your ass, and all that great stuff. Then, after about 30 minutes of that, you go sit on the toilet for an additional 30 minutes while you loudly pass gas and expel the barium solution. And the barium solution is solid white, looking a lot like White-Out or bird shit. Seriously, nothing will humble you like a barium enema x-ray.

Thankfully, I had a brief break between tests to recover. I finally had something to eat (I hadn’t eaten anything but clear liquids since Sunday afternoon) and started drinking a ton of stuff for my next test – the ultrasound.

In comparison, the ultrasound was downright pleasant. It was in a private, darkened room. There was a gentle hum coming from the ultrasound machine. There was only one other person in the room, and she was nice and cool. The abdominal pressure was almost like a massage. And my butt was still aching from the first test, so I hardly noticed how full my bladder was. No biggie.

Anyhow, that’s the first round of tests out of the way. Hopefully we’ll get something figured out soon.